As is often the case, I awoke about an hour before the alarm is set to go off. I have given up on struggling to get back to sleep, so I now frequently use the time to ponder, to speak to the Lord, or to listen to what he might have to say to me.
This morning, the Lord gave me a verse. It’s a verse I am very familiar with, but it took on a new meaning.
Once again, the Lord had spoken to my heart. When he spoke, he addressed not me today, but a smaller version of me. He spoke to the child; the small child who continues to live inside me; the small child who still hurts from years of abuse. These experiences that happened long ago shaped the person I am today. And so in many ways, the person I am today is not an adult, but remains a broken and hurt child.
1Corinthians 13:11: “When I was a child, I talked like a child; I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.” (NIV)
In many ways, I am still a child. I talk like a child, I think like a child and I reason like a child. And it is not until I overcome my pain that I will be able to put my childish ways behind me. Then I will become a woman. Then I will have grown (up).
We all walk through life with our scars from childhood hurts. But it is when we are willing to face those hurts head on, with the Lord by our side, that we can be healed. It is then that we grow.
All the offences, the sensitivities, the ‘button pushing,’ the misunderstandings, the bitterness, the anger, the unforgiveness…..
…it can all be left behind only after we have dealt with our old pain and healed.
Jesus said, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” Matthew 18:3 (NIV)
Children are honest. They speak their thoughts. Children are forgiving. They will fight one minute and the next, they are the best of friends once again. Children forget.
Children cry when they are hurt.
As I continue to heal through the Lord’s leading, I slowly enter into the kingdom of heaven. While on this earth I can experience a portion of the kingdom.
The Lord continues to lead me and to teach me; he heals me and loves me. He shows me how much better life can be when it is lived and viewed through his eyes.
Hebrews 5:12-14: “Though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God’s word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil.” (NIV)
Let it soon be said of me, that I no longer live on milk; that I have relinquished my past and allow the Lord to use it for good. I no longer allow my past, or the evil one, to influence my thoughts, my moods, or my world.
Let it be said that I follow the Lord. I am steady on my feet and cannot be moved.
I decide to be a woman who desires to be used by the Lord; to be thankful in the many blessings he has granted me.
In this, I can return to that little child and weep with her once more. I am no longer afraid to enter her pain, for the Lord is with me. It is his desire that I learn from her and continue to heal so that I may live to glorify Him.
So that I may touch others lives with love and understanding.